Boa Constrictors Don't Need No Homes

1. Who owns a boa constrictor, seriously? Where do boa constrictors come from, and why can't we just leave them where they're supposed to be? Of course, once you HAVE a boa constrictor, it's your responsibility to care for it and keep it from squeezing small neighborhood kids and stuff, but why would you want one in the first place? Boa constrictors aren't like puppies or kitties that need to be adopted from the shelter. They are undomesticated and semi-ferocious beasts.

A girl I know found her neighbors escaped boa constrictor in her house after it had been living in the walls for several weeks. After it bit her cat, the 'strictor layed down next to her to size up her eat-ability. I'm not even a Scared of Snakes person, but that gives me the heebie-jeebies.

2. On the other hand, people named Stephanie do need a home. As much fun as it is to live at home with my loving and wonderful parents, the Get-Outta-Here itch has been niggling at my soul for the past few weeks. Roommates are hard to come by when all your besties live in other states or are married, boo. Oh, and my sister doesn't want to live with me because she thinks I'll steal her clothes. (Who, ME?)

Where do you live when you want to be a city-slicker but don't have the cash to live in the downtown high rise you imagine to be your snazzy new home for the next 3 years? Quite the conundrum. If you have any clever tips for finding a sweet place to live, fill me in!

What's even worse, is that I made the mistake of going to Ikea this weekend where I saw a bunch of stuff I could use to make my non-existent house beautiful. Jealousy set in as I watched all the happy foreign shoppers with their new throw pillows, desk chairs and adorable dish sets. Ikea, if you're interested in finding me a home and filling it with lots of sweet stuff, don't hesitate. And you won't even have to worry about your Swedish goods being squeezed by a boa constrictor, 'cause I don't got no boa constrictor.

Sincerely,

Harry Potter