Lost Love is Annoying

Do you find that you stay a little bit in love with everyone you've ever dated?
I find that every guy I've dated stays with me in a way that I wish they wouldn't. I have to remind myself over and over all the obnoxious things they did and the reasons we had to break up. It's hard to forget their fantastic qualities, the reasons I wanted to be with them in the first place. I just can't forget the reasons they mattered.


I had coffee with an old boyfriend this weekend (I bet you totally saw that coming). Someone who I've stayed friends with for "political" reasons. It's generally not a big deal, and we get along without any major issues, but we haven't seen eachother in a few months. We had a great time. And even though it was three years ago, I walked away from it re-wondering why it ended, why we didn't work out. Don't be confused- there are certainly reasons, the ones I rant about to my friends. While those reasons are REAL, I think the ranting is mostly for show. To prove that I don't care, that they are a loser and I'm excellent. But if I'm really honest, I think that I never truly GET OVER the people I've loved.

They remind me of a time in my life, a version of myself that I valued. Each of them brought out qualities in me that I didn't know I had. Things that helped me learn and grow into ME. An ever evolving being. Whoa. That's deep, man.

"My existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period." -Sheldon Cooper

Hm. Quoting TV nerds is probably on their lists of reasons we "didn't work out"...


Anyway. It's a weird feeling, and a confusing one. I've been stewing on it for a few days and wonder if I'm alone in this, or if it's a common phenomenon of Lost Love.