Musings of an Unstable Fool

I love babies. Don't most women? I am the oldest child and grandchild, so I've had lots of babies around me. I've been a paid babysitter since I was 10...a little early in retrospect, but whatever. I was very often a family's Favorite Babysitter.

And I totally want to have babies someday. I'm a little wary of them right now, both in theory and in reality...I have a strong urge to parent all babies, and from what I understand, real parents don't always like when you do stuff with their baby that isn't pre-approved. (It's different as a teenager who follows instruction than as a young adult whose friends are having babies and who is technically of a socially acceptable child-bearing age).

Also, I have been completely, 100% terrified out of my mind lately that I will have a child with disabilities. I've been planning for it, and trying to anticipate what I would do to help them. I've been so convinced that my kids will have some sort of issue that I'll have to manage, and it stresses me out, not surprisingly. I don't have any reason to suspect that something like that would happen, but who does? No family background, plenty of personal health. But this idea has been weighing on me and making me feel like maybe I should not go forward with any child-having in my life.

And all the sudden, this afternoon, I realized "Hey Dummy. You might have healthy kids. There might be nothing wrong with them, and your life will be as typical as any other that you know of."

What the heck is wrong with me? Don't you think most people assume their kids will be healthy as opposed to assuming something will be awry?

I'm stupid. This cycle of negative thinking isn't doing me any favors. Oh, and I'm not having any babies any time soon, so why would I even obsess about this anyway? Good thing other people don't live in my brain, because they would probably be certain I need psychological attention.